-25º Windchill Attacks

You may be wondering what it is like in Illinois when the windchill hits -25º degrees.  Or you may desperately trying to pretend that there is nowhere in the world where windchills hit -25º degrees.  Let me tell you, the Land of Lincoln is locked in on the rear end of a bomb cyclone, and this stuff is COLD.

Windchills of -25º Equal:

Both children inside the house all day and all night SINCE DECEMBER 24.  That’s 13 days, people.  13 DAYS.  Sure, we’ve gone to the grocery store and to the library.  But I cannot bundle them up and send them outside, which apparently I do multiple times per day because now that I cannot… it is torturous.  And the longer they stay indoors, the more their energy level rises.  Imagine the wrestling, the pranks, Nerf guns, and tents made from every.clean.blanket.in.the.house.

The air burns when you inhale.  So you wrap a scarf around your neck and mouth.  Said scarf gets slightly damp from your mouth breathing.  Your scarf FREEZES in front of your mouth.  That is just not right.  Then your lips and mouth and nose are chapped from a frozen scarf.  Repeat every time you go outside.

My lovely pup, Hailey, will do anything to avoid going outside to poop.  I do not blame her.  In fact, if she pooped inside, I would not even sigh; I would pick it up, flush it away, and commence sanitizing.  Unfortunately, since Hailey is a dog, I cannot communicate to her that she could have gotten away with pooping inside for the past 13 days.  She has thus decided to implement her own version of a hunger strike.  We call it the “I-don’t-want-to-poop-outside-so-I’ll-only-eat-if-the-food-is-REALLY-good” strike.  Picture me serving her things like hard-boiled eggs, prime rib, roast beef in gravy and chicken with rice.  No kibble.  No canned food.  I am cooking like a gourmet chef because my dog will not eat if I don’t.  And I love my pup.  Clearly.

Illinois residents are dealing with burst pipes, cars that won’t start, dead batteries, and pets with snow-sore paws.  If you are currently somewhere with a day-time temperature above 42º degrees, spare a thought for us.  And then brace yourself: the bomb cyclone is coming for you, too!

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